prayer for my ex.

tonight, i had a sudden urge (prompted by watching Bright Star) to pray for my ex-boyfriend. i know this is quite random, but it made perfect sense in my head at the time. before praying, i started to cry. the top item on the list was his salvation. i know, i know. it's not my place to judge where a person stands in God's eyes. however, i know my ex's constant "sinning" was one of the reasons we broke up. so... nonetheless, it couldn't hurt to pray for him. so... who to call? who would pray for my ex-boyfriend's salvation? great question. so i called my dad, the pastor. the one who WOULD and COULD pray for anyone. so... he began to pray, and during the middle of the prayer, i heard his words... but his heart was saying something completely different. i heard him praying out loud, "Lord, please open our friends' eyes to see your Light" and "Thank you, Lord, for Allison's compassionate heart", etc. but i'm hearing a different translation in my head, "Allison is freakin' CRAZY because she is praying for an ex-boyfriend who totally screwed her over. he did hurtful things to her, and yet she still has such a huge heart that she wants to pray for him." the prayer reminded me that i'm healing more and more everyday. i know there will always be a piece of my heart with my ex's name on it, but at the same time, i'm going to have a HUGE piece of my heart to share with someone who loves Jesus and loves me more than anything else in the world. i cannot wait for that day. until then, though, i will continue to pray for my ex. i hope he finds his way in this chaotic world. and i pray for my future husband. i pray he has more passion for the Lord than i have ever seen before! and that he loves me more than anything else on this earth. those are all good prayers, right?

if i don't miss the life i used to lead, why do i still hurt?

if i don't miss the life i used to lead, why do i still hurt? i know many of the decisions i made were wrong, and i will not make them again. however, why can't i just move on? i know healing is necessary, and it'll probably just take time. but i'm growing impatient, and most of my friends can only take a certain amount of me talking about my "ex" before i becoming annoying or they give advice like it'll take time or people think i'm a freak for still thinking about him. i'm at a point where i don't long for jeff. i'm not at a point where i long for companionship. someone i can share my soul with. it's different with friends. and i'm going to wait until it's the right person. i'm just saying... i'm growing impatient. God, give me strength when i feel that i don't have it. i want to be completely Yours.

love,

alli