it's been too long...

i don't even know where to start.

over six months have passed since my last blog, and a lot of healing and growing has taken place.

from january to may, i attended counseling weekly. ann, my therapist, was a God-sent confidant, who helped me better understand myself: past, present, and future. if anything, i learned that i was my own worst enemy the past two years. i need to trust and forgive myself more often than i do. since i was always able to find a flaw in myself, i never truly embraced the person God created me to be.

besides counseling, i completed my master's degree. in may, i commenced with my fellow master of arts in organizational leadership classmates. however, it wasn't until mid-june that i finished my last class. some time, i will elaborate more on my discoveries during these past two years scholastically. but for now, i'll just say that school has truly changed my life in the most positive ways. the people, the curriculum, and the overall experience were nothing short of phenomenal.

it's been over a year, since i've been working as academic records coordinator at hope international university. in july, i'm being promoted to more managerial duties. however, i will not be anyone's direct supervisor. (fail... on the managerial part. i know, but what are ya' gonna' do?) but i will be running a lot more reports and conversing more with "the public" a.k.a. students, parents, and administration.

since october 2009, i've been attending eastside christian church's afterhours. in january, my friend, krissy, and i started a small group at my house... using afterhour's curriculum. the funny thing was that NO ONE in our group went to our church. it was a meshing of facebook friends who i barely knew. long story short, these girls have been some of the most reliable, trustworthy, inspiring women of God i have ever come into contact with. it's kinda' ironic how and when i met these girls, since we all seemed to be lacking deep friendships in all of our lives. coincidence? i think not.

the past six months have felt like rehabilitation. the year and a half before that seemed like a train wreck. so i'm finally getting my life back on track with family, friends, work, and most importantly God.

now, that i don't have regular reading and writing assignments for school. i plan on blogging. i hope you enjoy reading about my life experiences as much as i love/hate living them.

loves to all.

prayer for my ex.

tonight, i had a sudden urge (prompted by watching Bright Star) to pray for my ex-boyfriend. i know this is quite random, but it made perfect sense in my head at the time. before praying, i started to cry. the top item on the list was his salvation. i know, i know. it's not my place to judge where a person stands in God's eyes. however, i know my ex's constant "sinning" was one of the reasons we broke up. so... nonetheless, it couldn't hurt to pray for him. so... who to call? who would pray for my ex-boyfriend's salvation? great question. so i called my dad, the pastor. the one who WOULD and COULD pray for anyone. so... he began to pray, and during the middle of the prayer, i heard his words... but his heart was saying something completely different. i heard him praying out loud, "Lord, please open our friends' eyes to see your Light" and "Thank you, Lord, for Allison's compassionate heart", etc. but i'm hearing a different translation in my head, "Allison is freakin' CRAZY because she is praying for an ex-boyfriend who totally screwed her over. he did hurtful things to her, and yet she still has such a huge heart that she wants to pray for him." the prayer reminded me that i'm healing more and more everyday. i know there will always be a piece of my heart with my ex's name on it, but at the same time, i'm going to have a HUGE piece of my heart to share with someone who loves Jesus and loves me more than anything else in the world. i cannot wait for that day. until then, though, i will continue to pray for my ex. i hope he finds his way in this chaotic world. and i pray for my future husband. i pray he has more passion for the Lord than i have ever seen before! and that he loves me more than anything else on this earth. those are all good prayers, right?

if i don't miss the life i used to lead, why do i still hurt?

if i don't miss the life i used to lead, why do i still hurt? i know many of the decisions i made were wrong, and i will not make them again. however, why can't i just move on? i know healing is necessary, and it'll probably just take time. but i'm growing impatient, and most of my friends can only take a certain amount of me talking about my "ex" before i becoming annoying or they give advice like it'll take time or people think i'm a freak for still thinking about him. i'm at a point where i don't long for jeff. i'm not at a point where i long for companionship. someone i can share my soul with. it's different with friends. and i'm going to wait until it's the right person. i'm just saying... i'm growing impatient. God, give me strength when i feel that i don't have it. i want to be completely Yours.

love,

alli

thank you, kara.

kara made my blog look beautiful. i hope you all enjoy it's fabulousness. :]

Hello.

It's Thanksgiving 2009, and I am sitting on Kara and Thomas's couch creating a blog. Kara is forcing me to write right this second. So... here it is! More "good stuff" to come. :]